Gemeinschaftsgefühl and Ohana, Powerful Medicine for Neurodivergency

In Alfred Adler’s psychology, there’s a deceptively simple idea that holds profound implications: Gemeinschaftsgefühl, often translated as "social interest" or "community feeling." It’s the sense that we are part of something larger than ourselves. That we belong. That others matter, and so do we. In Hawaiian culture, a similar concept exists: ohana; not just family by blood, but chosen family, community, people who show up for each other. Both terms circle around a deep truth: human beings are wired to connect. But for those of us who are neurodivergent, connection can be complicated.

Neurodivergent minds, whether Autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, or otherwise wired differently, are often exquisitely sensitive. Sounds, lights, textures, smells, emotions, facial expressions, social cues, all of it can hit harder and linger longer. That’s not a flaw; it’s a feature. But it does mean that the world can sometimes feel too much. So, we retreat. We isolate. We protect ourselves from overstimulation, confusion, and pain. And that makes perfect sense.

But over time, isolation stops being a choice and becomes a cage.

The paradox is this: the very people most impacted by the chaos of social life are also those who can benefit most from genuine, safe community. Research consistently shows that social isolation correlates strongly with increased anxiety, depression, addiction, and a host of physical health issues. These impacts are even more pronounced in neurodivergent individuals, especially those diagnosed later in life who’ve spent years masking and pushing through. The long-term cost of disconnection is heavy — and for many of us, it’s familiar.

This is where Adler’s work becomes especially relevant. Adler believed that our mental health depends on our ability to contribute meaningfully to society. Not in some grand, performative way, but in the quiet, steady knowledge that we matter and that others matter to us. Gemeinschaftsgefühl is not about fitting in, it’s about showing up, with your actual self, and being met there. It’s an internal compass that says: “I am not alone. And I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not in order to be part of the group.”

That’s radical stuff when you’ve spent your life camouflaging your true self to survive.

At Like Minds, we see this every day. People coming out of years, sometimes decades, of not knowing why life felt so hard. Why relationships never quite worked. Why jobs were overwhelming. Why mental health treatments didn’t stick. Often the answer is simple, and hard: they were navigating a world built for different brains, without a map, and without a tribe.

Community is the map. Community is the tribe.

But here’s the catch: for neurodivergent folks, community doesn’t just happen. We have to build it, intentionally. We have to choose it, over and over. That might mean reaching out when we least feel like it. It might mean learning to set boundaries that allow us to show up without burning out. It means being around others who don’t just tolerate our quirks, but see them as part of the whole picture: strengths, sensitivities, and everything in between.

Belonging doesn’t mean constant exposure or being “on” all the time. It can look like one group message you actually enjoy. One yoga class a week where you feel calm. One peer coaching session where someone just gets you. It’s the slow rebuild of trust in others, in yourself, in the possibility that showing up as you really are might not be so dangerous after all.

In ohana, you don’t need to earn your place. You are already worthy. In Gemeinschaftsgefühl, you find meaning through others, not in spite of them.

And if you’ve never had that before? That’s okay. Start small. Build one moment of connection at a time. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do it.

Because for us, for neurodivergent people community isn’t just nice to have. It’s medicine.

If you’re curious to explore the roots of Gemeinschaftsgefühl and Adlerian psychology further, I highly recommend two powerful books: The Courage to Be Disliked and The Courage to Be Happy, written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. These short, engaging works are structured as conversations between a philosopher and a young man, offering profound insights into Adler’s ideas on belonging, self-worth, and the true path to happiness. They’ve been transformative for many of us navigating life with a neurodivergent lens, especially when it comes to understanding our place in the world and how to heal from years of misfitting. You can find them here:

The Courage to Be Disliked

The Courage to Be Happy

Written by David Wetherelt Founder, Like Minds Alliance