Like Minds - Relief in the Reason

For decades, I struggled through life feeling out of place, never understanding why seemingly simple tasks felt monumental or why I experienced such intense emotional highs and lows. It wasn’t until I was fifty-eight years old that I finally received the answers that changed everything. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD—two forms of neurodivergency that had been present all along, yet completely invisible to me and those around me. Now that I understand what was once a mystery, my life and self-understanding have transformed dramatically.

My story isn’t unique. In fact, a vast portion of the population may be living with undiagnosed neurodivergency, facing daily struggles without ever knowing the root cause. By some estimates, over 15% of the world’s population may be neurodivergent, but many are unaware of their differences because they do not fit the stereotypical images of conditions like Autism or ADHD. Instead, they live with symptoms that are often misunderstood, mislabeled, or overlooked entirely.

It has prompted some concerns that too many people are being diagnosed. But Anton Ashcroft, a registered psychologist and co-founder of DivergenThinking, told The Little Things podcast that international literature suggests quite the opposite. “There’s an amazing professor in the UK called Dr. Amanda Kirby, and she was saying that in the UK if you took all of the neurodivergent diagnoses together collectively, you would have probably about 20 per cent of the population that would be diagnosed with neurodivergency."

“But her assumption, and also mine too with the work that I do, is that you could probably double that. And there, therefore, there are an awful lot of people in society who are going about their everyday life thinking that their brain just is their brain and not realizing that actually they are neurodivergent with a big N.”

Put into context, Ashcroft said you could see 40 people in a group of 100 that have some level of neurodivergency.

So, how do you know if you or someone you care about might be among the undiagnosed neurodivergent? There are many online tests for traits available. Many know of the more common signs of Autism and ADHD, but here are some potential signs (that I missed in myself as signs of neurodivergency):

Signs of Undiagnosed Neurodivergency

Anxiety and Depression

Chronic feelings of anxiety or depression that don't seem to respond to typical treatments can be a sign of underlying neurodivergency. People with Autism or ADHD, for instance, often struggle with heightened levels of anxiety due to sensory sensitivities, difficulty navigating social situations, or an overload of stimuli.

Substance Use Disorders

The struggle to cope with overwhelming emotions or a lack of dopamine regulation can lead individuals to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Substance use disorders are often a red flag that there may be underlying neurodivergency, particularly when traditional addiction treatments fail to address the root cause.

Sleeping Issues

Persistent insomnia, irregular sleep patterns, or difficulty falling and staying asleep are common among those with neurodivergency. The inability to shut off a racing mind or sensory sensitivities that interfere with restful sleep can disrupt one’s life profoundly.

Intense Feelings of Shame

Many undiagnosed neurodivergent individuals experience profound feelings of shame. They may feel they should be able to "fit in" or meet certain expectations but can't. These feelings are exacerbated by a lack of understanding and self-compassion due to the undiagnosed nature of their differences.

Low Self-Esteem and Helplessness

Growing up without the right context for understanding their unique traits, many individuals internalize their challenges as personal failings. They may feel helpless in the face of their struggles and believe they are inherently "broken" or not good enough.

Hypervigilance and Sensory Overload

Hypervigilance—the feeling of being constantly on guard or anxious—often results from sensory overload or the fear of being overwhelmed by stimuli. This can lead to exhaustion and burnout, especially in environments with bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells.

Dissociation and Disconnect

A sense of disconnect from thoughts, emotions, and surroundings is common among neurodivergent individuals, especially those with conditions like Autism or ADHD. This dissociation can manifest as daydreaming, difficulty focusing, or feeling detached from reality.

Difficulty with Relationships and Emotional Attachments

People with undiagnosed neurodivergency may have trouble forming emotional connections or maintaining relationships. They might come across as aloof or detached, or conversely, as too intense and unable to regulate their emotions, making it difficult for them to navigate social landscapes.

Extreme Reactions to Stress

While everyone reacts to stress, neurodivergent individuals may experience extreme responses, such as meltdowns or shutdowns. These reactions are often misunderstood and attributed to poor self-control or emotional instability rather than recognized as a symptom of neurodivergency.

Intrusive or Unwanted Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are repetitive, involuntary thoughts that can be disturbing and persistent. They are common in conditions like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), often seen alongside Autism or ADHD.

Aggression or Violence

Though not a common symptom, some individuals may display aggression or violence as a response to extreme frustration, confusion, or feeling misunderstood. This behavior is often the result of being overwhelmed by their environment or emotions.

The Reality of Being Undiagnosed

People with undiagnosed neurodivergency often go through life with a sense of “otherness.” They may be mislabeled as lazy, antisocial, overly emotional, or even defiant. For years, I tried to make sense of my own behavior through these narrow lenses, feeling alienated and exhausted by the constant effort to keep up with what I thought was “normal.”

But here’s the truth: neurodivergent individuals aren’t broken; they’re different. And these differences—when understood and supported—can become powerful assets.

A New Perspective: The Power of Knowing

When I finally received my diagnosis, it was as if the fog lifted. Suddenly, the patterns of my life—my difficulty with certain social interactions, my intense focus on specific interests, my heightened sensitivity to noise—made sense. I wasn’t failing to meet some universal standard of success; I was living with a brain that processes the world differently.

The Birth of Like Minds Alliance

Realizing I was not alone in this experience, I founded Like Minds Alliance—a space where people like myself, who have recently discovered their neurodivergency, can find support, connection, and tools to navigate this new understanding with compassion. Like Minds Alliance exists to help others embrace their true nature, let go of shame, and find some peace and happiness in their lives.

If any of these signs resonate with you or a loved one, consider seeking a professional evaluation. Understanding your neurodivergency can lead to personalized strategies and accommodations that improve quality of life, reduce stress, and foster genuine self-acceptance.

You are not alone, and you or your loved one are not broken. You may simply wired differently—and that’s more than okay. It’s your unique strength -- our new organization and mission is to help others with Like Minds embrace it.

—David