The AuDHD Attention Vortex. When Shame, Monotropism, and Missed Details Collide

By David Wetherelt, Founder of Like Minds Alliance

Living with both Autism and ADHD, what many of us

call AuDHD, can feel like running two operating systems on the same old hardware. They do not always play nicely together, and the result is often an exhausting loop of focus, distraction, and self-criticism.

For me, one of the hardest parts has been toxic shame. That relentless inner voice keeps a record of every mistake, every awkward moment, and every “you should have known better.” When something small goes wrong, that record flips open and I find myself reliving decades of failure.

Even as a coach who works daily with neurodivergent adults, I still catch myself spiraling into old stories:

“I’ve messed up again. I’m an idiot. I’ll never get it right.”

Logically, I know that is not true, but emotionally, my nervous system does not. That internal storm of shame is one of the most common patterns I see in AuDHD clients. It is not a lack of intelligence or ability. It is how our attention systems work.

Monotropism: The Tunnel of Focus

Monotropism is a theory of attention common in autistic individuals. It describes how our minds tend to operate in tunnels of focus where everything else fades away.

Inside that tunnel, time disappears. Hunger, fatigue, and emotions are all muted. I have written entire frameworks, like Homo Systemus, in bursts of intense monotropic flow. It can be exhilarating, but it also has a cost.

When I finally resurface, I realize I have missed things that seem obvious or even critical. As the backlog of sensory and emotional input floods back in, it can trigger overwhelm, dysregulation, or even a crash. That is what I call the AuDHD Attention Vortex: the collision of hyperfocus, missed cues, and the shame that follows.

How the AuDHD Brain Processes Differently

At Like Minds, we teach that neurodivergent brains are not broken. They are simply running a different operating system. That system toggles between two key brain networks:

• Default Mode Network (DMN) – the introspective part that reflects, replays, and feels.

• Task Positive Network (TPN) – the action engine that plans, executes, and focuses.
  

In neurotypical brains, these two systems take turns. In AuDHD brains, they often overlap or get stuck. Here is what that looks like in daily life:

1. Feeling While Focusing

Even while working, my DMN hums in the background, reliving past mistakes, analyzing relationships, and questioning everything. The mental noise never stops. It is why many of us fidget, multitask, or zone out. We are managing internal traffic while trying to stay productive.

Stillness is not always peaceful. For many of us, quiet time brings the noise front and center, so we reach for distractions instead.

2. Getting Stuck in Doing Mode

When we are in the TPN zone, we dive deep. Transitions, like stopping for lunch or switching projects, can feel brutal. Catherine Asta calls it the “scuba dive” brain. We need depth and uninterrupted focus.

That intensity can make us visionary thinkers, but also prone to skipping simple steps. We might design a brilliant system and forget to send the follow-up email. When perfectionism meets missed details, the shame can be heavy.

3. Trapped in Rumination

When the DMN takes over, we loop. We replay conversations, doubt our worth, and analyze every decision. It is more than overthinking. It can feel like emotional imprisonment. For many undiagnosed AuDHD adults, these cycles once looked like anxiety, depression, or burnout.

We are not broken. We are overloaded and under-supported.

Why Traditional Therapy Does Not Always Work

Many of us with AuDHD are already expert self-analyzers. We have spent our lives dissecting our emotions intellectually, often without actually feeling them. This disconnect is called alexithymia, and it is one reason why traditional talk therapy can fall short.

At Like Minds Alliance, our approach is different. We blend neuroscience, coaching, and lived experience. We focus on movement from thought to action, from shame to strategy, from confusion to clarity. Our coaching integrates body-based practices, nutrition, and real-world systems that match your unique wiring.

What Helps Me and Might Help You

If this feels familiar, you are not alone. These are strategies that have changed my life and the lives of many I coach:

• Learn your monotropic patterns. Notice what draws you in and what shuts you down.

• Build transition rituals. Alarms, short walks, or simple routines soften the tunnel edges.

• Time-block your intensity. Schedule your deep dives and your recovery.

• Standardize the basics. Eat the same breakfast. Keep predictable rhythms. Reduce novelty.

• Use external eyes. A proofreader, coworker, or accountability partner can catch the 1 percent.

• Practice radical self-kindness. The price of brilliance is the occasional blind spot.

• Stay in your genius zone. Automate, delegate, or outsource what drains you.

• Name the shame. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is real. Write, talk, or move through it.

• Work with neurodivergent peers or coaches. At Like Minds, we meet you where you are because we have been there too.
  

From Surviving to Blooming

We cannot stop the emotional waves, but we can learn to surf. When we understand our unique wiring and receive the right support, the same traits that once felt like flaws can become our superpowers.

It is time to move beyond survival. Let’s start blooming differently, together. David