Unlocking Self-Agency -- The Key to Thriving with Neurodivergence

By David Wetherelt, Founder of Like Minds Alliance

For many of us who are neurodivergent, life has often felt like something happening to us—not something we have much say in. We may have spent decades feeling stuck in cycles of shame, self-blame, and confusion. Without knowing it, we lived with little or no self-agency—the belief that we could shape our own lives. Instead, we masked our true selves, adapted to survive, and learned to expect that no one would really understand what was happening inside.

But here's the truth: self-agency is not only possible, it is essential to thriving with neurodivergence.

What Is Self-Agency?

Self-agency means having the ability to make conscious choices about how we think, feel, and act. It means no longer being at the mercy of old patterns, social scripts, or survival responses that were formed when we didn’t know any better. For neurodivergent individuals—especially those with Autism, ADHD, OCD, Dyslexia, and related brain-based differences—reclaiming self-agency can be profoundly healing.

The Years of Masking and Survival

Many of us spent years—or even most of our lives—masking. Hiding our stims, suppressing our interests, bending ourselves to meet the world’s expectations. We became chameleons to avoid ridicule, rejection, or simply to survive in classrooms, workplaces, relationships, and systems that weren’t built for us.

And in the process, we lost our sense of choice. We learned to operate from pre-programmed schemas: I must people-please. I must be perfect. I must not show how anxious I am. These patterns become automatic, and we forget that there might be another way.

With Self-Knowledge Comes Self-Agency

That’s why psychoeducation is one of the most powerful tools in our Like Minds coaching approach. When you begin to understand how your brain works, everything changes.

You realize that your overwhelm isn’t weakness—it’s your brain reacting to too much sensory input or unfiltered information. You understand that your “inconsistencies” or missed deadlines might stem from dopamine regulation, not laziness. You begin to see your emotional intensity or anxiety as part of a deeper wiring—not a character flaw.

This knowledge is liberating. It removes shame and opens the door to compassion. And from compassion comes power. Once we understand what’s going on, we can begin to respond instead of react.

That’s self-agency.

Coaching Toward the Real You

At Like Minds, we believe that coaching isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about helping you discover who you really are beneath the masking, the trauma, and the misdiagnoses. It’s about teaching you how your brain functions, how your nervous system responds, and how you can make choices aligned with your true self.

Our coaching focuses on:

• Understanding your neurobiology (glutamate, GABA, dopamine, nervous system regulation)

• Naming your patterns without judgment

• Exploring unmasked authenticity—learning how to be safe while being real

• Building lifestyle routines that work for your actual brain, not the “ideal” one the world expects

• Developing agency over thoughts, feelings, and behaviors through insight and intentional practice

  
  
  
  
  

We’ve seen clients go from hopelessness to clarity, from chaos to calm, from people-pleasing to power.

Reclaiming Your Voice

Self-agency means saying, “I have a choice.” It means knowing that even when things feel overwhelming, you are not broken—you are beautifully complex. You can respond to life in a way that honors who you really are.

If you're reading this and wondering whether it’s too late, let me assure you: it’s not. Whether you’re 19 or 69, self-agency begins the moment you decide to turn inward and learn. It starts with the courage to ask, “Who am I beneath the mask?”

We’re here to help you find out.